Non-Self-Coercion FAQ



@askyatharth greatmega-thread describing self-coercion

@askyatharth great mega-thread on self-love and how it relates to all this

@me "having a light touch"

@mattgoldenberg Non-Coercive Habit building

@xuenay on "why stored in muscle tensions?"

@mattgoldenberg on oscillation and hype cycles

@daemonhugger thread of threads on therapy and emotional work in general, not just non-coercion stuff

@malcolm_ocean hunting for blindspots

@nosilverv shouting at you

A whole playlist of videos from @visakanv talking about this

Unlearning Coercion - Playlist

@me what sort of thing is self-trust, what light does that shed on what gaslighting is?

@reasonisfun The difference between "feels comfortable" vs "feels natural"

@visakanv on leaning into his ADHD and not trying to force himself, and channeling the energy into something that still serves him (several great sub-threads).

@reasonisfun on self-love, how authority is anti-reason, and the insideousness of needing to "justify" ourself

@me collection of thoughts on The Inner Game of Tennis

@sarah Excruciating detail

@m_ashcroft on the origins of the Alexander Technique and how it's all about non-doing

@m_ashcroft on Doing and Non-doing

Errors vs Bugs and the end of stupidity is an amazing post that explores the difference between seeing humans as black boxes that stochastically "fail" and need to be shaken until they work again, vs seeing all "mistakes" as having a logic behind them which needs to be understood to have any hope of change.



Integration Focused Therapy Models

@mattgoldenberg thread overview of Memory Reconsolidation

A longer series of posts by Matt about the ins and outs of Memory Reconsolidation.

A book review by Kaj Sotala of "Unlocking the Emotional Brain", a book about Coherence Therapy.

The Curse of the Counterfactual, a post by pjeby about how we

The Bio-Emotive framework is aimed at emotional processing and integrating one's feelings. Here's an introduction video to it by Doug Tataryn on the Stoa.

Internal Family Systems is a well-known parts work therapy model. Here's a brief outline of the model, and here's Kaj Sotala describing how such a therapy works into is broader understanding of the mind.

Internal Double Crux is inspired by Internal Family Systems, and is less a whole therapy framework and more a technique to be tried when running into internal conflict.

Not really a therapy model, but the phrase "shadow work" gets at the whole menagerie of investigating the parts of yourself that you hate, are shamed of, dislike, reject, and ignore, with the aim of coming to terms with them and realizing "it's all just you". David MacIver has a post, The Inner Game of Celeste, and a really long thread full of pointed questions that will poke you into learning things about your shadow.

Malcolm Ocean has been assembling his own frame for dealing with internal and external conflict called the Non Naive Trust Dance (NNTD). This post is the pitch and this post draws out the logic of the name more.

Non-coercion in the Wild

@xuenay on reading books completely

@Malcolm_ocean blog post

Internal Trust Dancing case study: scheduling and cancelling dates

@me reflection on a year of going full tilt at non-coercion, what I gained, what I missed

@me working through feelings of discipline

@theorangealt has/had(?) a great blog chronicling his explorations in being free and doing what he wants. Some highlights are "The best self-improvement trick so far: a giant board", a specific technique he came up with for making his life better which, critically, involved not forcing the doing of tasks (now he's working on a webapp that captures some of this structure).


@malcolm_ocean "you don't have to don't have to don't have to"

@malcolm "confused"

@hazard "breakfast is getting cold"

School / Parenting

@madeincosmos thread on implicit lessons in school

@malcolm_ocean 's follow up for prompts and requests!

Vivek Patel has a youtube channel where he talks about his radical approach to parenting. I found it through a thread @reasonisfun made about some her fav videos of his.



Coercing Yourself into Non-coercion

before then [bio emotive, Coherence] I was functionally trapped in something structurally analogous to "coerce yourself into doing non-coercion", even though the group was aware of that trap. a more precise description of the structure of how it was showing up for me was that I was *trying* to do the non-coercive mindset (what we called "collaborative mindset") instead of the coercive one, but with an attitude of distrust of whatever in me was generating coercions, judgments, blames, shames, etc...... instead of an attitude of welcoming.

— @Malcolm_Ocean

@chanamessinger querying "where's the bounds?"

@mattgoldenberg on "who is this actually a good idea for?"

@malcolm_ocean "honor your distrust"

@diva murkiness on the boundaries of "coercion"

@amelapay Pushing back on people going "oh fuck I need to not self-coerce!"

investigation of the edge around addiction

@xuenay on how keeping yourself miserable is a strategic end of coercion (start at top)



Assorted Books

The Tao Is Silent

The Inner Game of Tennis

Po: Beyond Yes and No


Unlocking the Emotional Brain

The Fear Book

The Book of Five Rings





The Courage to Be Disliked

The Flinch